The end of breastfeeding

I think the time has come to stop breastfeeding and I've trying to assess how I feel about it. It's much more complicated with Talia than it was with my other two kids. First off, she's most likely my last child and therefore last moments of anything would have had a finality to them, regardless of her condition. Second, Talia was never able to take a bottle- which I only recognized post-diagnosis to be a result of her disease. I've been her main source of nutrition for fifteen months, and her ability to take in liquid has been intimately tied to me. It's incredibly time consuming feeding her by spoon, and I always felt that with breastfeeding she was getting quality nutrition quickly and relatively pain free, for her anyway! Thankfully, I think we figured out a sippy cup that she will drink from (thanks to a feeding therapist) and realized that she will happily drink apple juice out of a sippy rather than milk all day long.  Those two revelations mean that it's time for me to reclaim my body as my own sovereign land. Talia has to exist separately from me at some point, and I think that point has to start now.Talia was never a natural breastfeeder. As an experienced mom I always knew that my technique was right and I could never figure out why her muscles couldn't figure out a good latch or a proper suck rather than a chew. Of course, looking back I now understand that her brain was having trouble communicating with her muscles even from birth. Despite her early sucking troubles we managed to figure breastfeeding out and I've been happily providing nourishment and comfort to her ever since. Unfortunately, in the past few months her muscles have gotten even stiffer and she often has either completely loose muscles, or hyper extended ones. Her arms are totally stiff sometimes while her back completely loose and curved. This muscle stiffening has affected her ability to suck as well. She goes between happily eating and, unfortunately for me, clamping down in a locked jaw position a/k/a BITING! Talia will eat normally and then, without warning, she will be clamped down on me causing pain beyond description (but any woman who has ever breastfed is probably reading this and feeling it right now). After I extricate myself from her grip she will then lovingly look at me and expectantly open her mouth again. And let me tell you what the definition of love it-- I feed her again. I knowingly put myself in harms way to keep her well and make her happy. It feels like a brief, painful, real world example of the sacrifices we all do for our kids anyway. Despite the difficulties I've enjoyed feeding Talia and feel grateful I've been able to do it so long. I hope that even without the calming magic of breastfeeding I can still be her comfort. Her port in the storm of this  disease.